A work at home mom discusses social media and networking.

It is a well-known and much lamented fact that twitter attracts spammers.

When I first joined twitter, it felt like a small town. Perhaps everyone didn’t know everyone else, but at most people were one or two degrees removed.

As long as someone didn’t come in and try to add the whole community at once, people were patient with newcomers. And even most of the better known twitter users would respond back if you asked a question.

Utopias never seem to last long though, and unfortunately spammers soon discovered twitter.

The first spammers were easy to spot, they’d be following thousands of people with only a few hundred follow backs (usually from people who used auto-follow software).

After a while, spammers learned other tricks, including following a rush of people and then unfollowing any who didn’t follow back, then repeating the whole process. This built their stats up to a respectable level fairly quickly, so they could start drawing followers on their own.

Another trick that was sometimes used was to follow a large number of people, then unfollow all of them, then repeat. This tactic has been seen more and more, especially since Twitter set limits of following 1000 people a day and up to 2000 people to start, increasing to 10% of the number of people who are following you once you’re over 2000.

Because of the rush of spammers, I’ve complained before that it seems like maybe 1 out of every 10 new followers is actually a real person. I’d even considered going private if something wasn’t done soon.

Finally, someone did something about it.

Yesterday, two things happened to help free me from twitter spam. I received my invite to use Topify (Yay!) and I saw Todd Jordan (@tojosan on Twitter) discussing TwitChuck.

First, let me say that it is worth however long you have to wait to get an invite to Topify. And yes, there likely will be a wait (it’s that good!), but sign up anyway.

Once you get the invite, Topify will ask for your e-mail and make sure it’s you, then give you a new e-mail via Topify to enter on your Twitter account.

Because a picture often truly is worth a thousand words, I’m going to show (instead of tell) you what happens when you add Topify to Twitter.

The usual Twitter notification message. Doesn’t really tell you much, does it.

Topify’s notification message. Note the e-mail header that gives stats without having to open the e-mail, and the last updates so you don’t need to visit their page.

What to do while you wait for your Topify invite

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could send out a mass message to spammers telling them to wait a couple weeks until you get your invite before following. Second best, of course, would be an easy way to check to see if someone is a spammer.

That’s where TwitChuck comes in.

Simply fill in the name of the person you’re wondering about, and TwitChuck goes through a surprisingly detailed list to arrive at their spam grade.

Odds are twitter will never lose all the spammers, but it’s nice no longer feeling like if I don’t check into every follow notification, there’s a chance that I’m throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Once upon a time, twitter had no @s.

If you wanted someone in particular to see your tweet, you used their name and hoped they’d catch it.

Then people started using @ in front of the name so others would know who the tweet was directed to.

Twitter saw it, and thought it was good.

Then Twitter decided to multiply the goodness and allow @ to link to a tweeter’s page and added a link for people to see their own @s if they wanted to check.

And it was still good.

Then Twitter decided to allow people a choice of whether they wanted to see others @s or not. And some chose to see and comment on others @s and others preferred that @s stayed covered.

And still, all was good.

But then twitter decided to take away all choice. And allowed no one to see @s that didn’t involve them.

And it was NOT good. And lots of people complained and wanted to show their @s.

So twitter backed down, but only part way. And they allowed people to show their @s only if the other person already knew both the @ser and the @see.

And this is where it gets serious.

Because before twitter covered their @s, when someone I respected carried on a public conversation with someone I didn’t know, I’d get a good idea of what the new person was like, and could follow them if I wanted.

Not only that, if it was a conversation that I had additional information about, I could join in and share what I knew.

The majority of my first twitter friends were made this way, by enjoying conversations and wanting to get to know someone better; people like Susan Reynolds, Connie Reece, BarbaraKB, Dr Mani, jjprojects, Tindle, and the list could go on and on.

In fact, I’d bet that many of us made new friends that way.

Since twitter took away the option of seeing others’ @s, I’ve noticed a dramatic change in my following.

Before the change, out of 10 new followers, at least 3 or 4 would be real people and not spammers or bots. After it, I’m lucky if 1 out of 10 new adds is a real person unless I’ve participated in a #chat recently.

Coincidence? Possibly, after all twitter has gone big time lately.

But still, I think it’s at least partly a matter of @s covering.

As a stay-at-home Mom (SAHM) who homeschools and does social media consulting as well, one thing I’ve discovered is that online social media is only part of the story.

The rest is meeting people in real life.

There’s something about matching a name to the actual person, shaking a hand, or giving a hug to a friend you’ve never met before that makes relationships Velveteen Rabbit real.

Which is why I was so disappointed over the past year as social media conferences came and went and I couldn’t get to any of them.

It’s also why I was so excited when Patrick Muldoon (d00n on Twitter) sent a plurk telling me about Social Media Breakfast - Tech Valley.

At last, here was a meeting I could actually get to without needing my husband to take several days off work to watch our boys.

If you’ve never heard of Social Media Breakfast, don’t feel bad. I hadn’t either until I received doon’s Plurk. Here’s what I discovered about them:

The Social Media Breakfast was founded by Bryan Person in August 2007 as an event where social media experts and newbies alike come together to eat, meet, share, and learn.

Oh boy, I thought, this is right up my alley!

So, this Friday, with a mix of excitement and trepidation I kissed my boys, grabbed my backpack with my Mother’s Day laptop in it, and headed to breakfast.

First impression: It’s feels a little disconcerting walking up to someone and saying “Hi, I’m Te-ge…uhh, Teeg” and having them respond, “I know, I recognized you from your avatar.” That’s what happened when I met doon.

After getting a name tag and wandering around a few minutes peering at others’ tags and introducing myself, it was time to find a seat and listen to the discussion. A pleasant surprise was finding a mug from CAbunga waiting. Yay swag!

First Amy Mengel of Mengel Musings introduced the three speakers, Rhea Drysdale of Outspoken Media, Mike Germano of Carrot Creative, and Stuart Foster of TheLostJacket.com, and then each one talked a bit more about their background:

In 2004, Rhea discovered that her new job had really wanted an SEO, but didn’t know how to advertise for one. Talk about on the job training.

Mike Germano and a friend created a social site for Dave Matthews band when he was in college. Eventually, he received a call from the band complimenting him on the site and asking if he could help with theirs. Now Mike works with companies such as MLB.com, The Onion, MTV, and Oscar Meyer.

Stuart Foster writes a blog focused on social media, public relations, marketing, and brand management.

I ended up sitting beside Chris Wessell (albanymba) and Meghan Butler (MeghanButler) who kept making me laugh during the discussion. I managed to return the favor since I was checking Twitter as well as TweetChat and saw this come across my stream (I just had to share it ):

A few quick thoughts from the discussion:

Mike commented that social media is one of the only areas where the grownups listen to the younger people. This bothered me, because I think it’s just touching the surface. I know way too many social media experts who aren’t college age or even just out of college. Instead, I think social media is one of the few fields where experts in other areas will listen to anyone who seems to know what they’re talking about (and unfortunately, will sometimes listen to the wrong person).

Rhea mentioned that you need to be on every social network, protecting your name and your brand. I’ve read way too many stories of people who were moderately well known and waited to claim their name on a major social network, then discovered to their horror that someone else had taken the name and was posting things they’d never want anyone to even think came from them.

By the way, this is one reason Facebook’s name goldrush bothered me.  What if you’ve worked hard to create a brand, only to discover that your brand had already been claimed by someone else, with few recourses to get it back?

A question asked, I think, by Mike, “If you had to choose between Facebook and Twitter, which one would you choose?” I think it would depend on whether I was choosing a site to be my only social media site or just between one of the two. If it was my only one, I’d keep twitter. If I could keep all the rest (and still link to twitter via them), I’d choose Facebook.

Something I found fascinating was when Mike mentioned that they friend all potential employees on Twitter, Linked-In, and Facebook to do background checks. Anyone applying for a job has to accept them as a friend or they won’t get the job. He also mentioned that they don’t advertise their jobs, but still received over 1000 resumes last month!

Jimstagnitti tweeted that he’s “been using sm to research candidates for years. Remember its just part of who that person is. Still have to look them in the eye.” Wish I’d have caught this during the discussion, I definitely would have retweeted it!

One problem I ran into on Facebook (before they revised the site) was friending a couple people who would frequently leave inappropriate (well, inappropriate if you have clients or your mother visit) videos and pictures. I solved it back then by removing apps that allowed anything except text messages, now, I would do what AlbanyMBA suggested, and customize what different people could see/do on my site, since you can do it with each user.

Rhea mentioned an idea that I thought was great, setting up an editorial calendar for your blog. For example, I could have Twitter Tuesdays, every Thursday could be about StumbleUpon, Fridays for homeschooling, etc.

Especially for someone like me who’s horrible at posting with any kind of frequency, a calendar might be just the ticket!

All too soon, two hours was over and the gathering broke up. I said good bye to some new friends, thanked Amy for bringing Social Media Breakfast to Albany, oohed and aahed over doon’s Palm Pre and headed back home with my Geek badge shining brightly.

Let us take a moment to recognize all of the worthy fathers out there. Happy Father’s Day, gentlemen. You have the great opportunity to be a role model, a source of good humor and crazy tales, and fulfill the title of Daddy.

Social Media Mom may provide a haven for the mothers out there on the Internet, but we never forget our partners in parenting. Some amazing Social Media Dads have made their mark on here as well, so let’s pay a little tribute and appreciation to a few #1 Dads.

Chris Brogan - Author of ChrisBrogan.com, a blog about community and social media

Doriano Carta - Aka Paisano of the American Pai blog

Mark Dykeman - Founding father of Broadcasting Brain blog

Jason Falls - Author of Social Media Explorer blog

Jonathan Fields - Author of Awake at the Wheel, providing tips on entrepreneurship and a little playtime

David Harry - The Gypsy behind HuoMah

Matt McGee - Blogger at MattMcGee.com and founder of @U2

Jeff Quipp - President and CEO of Search Engine People, Inc.

Darren Rowse - Author of ProBlogger the blog and co-author of ProBlogger the book

Jim Stroud - Founder and CEO of the Recruiters Lounge

Jeff Tippett - Outreach strategist at Calvert Holdings and author at the Calvert Creative blog

Brian Wallace - Founder of social media consulting group NowSourcing and social media rockstar blog, Collective Thoughts

David Wallace - Founder and CEO of SearchRank

Marty Weintraub - Founding father of the aimClear blog

Thank you, social media dads, for all of your wonderful contributions.

Who doesn’t love a girl’s night out? Natasha D’Souza of EyeSee arranged a fun evening for the hard working moms of social media. While it was not so easy for most of the ladies to get away from their responsibilities, many did, and they had a great time.

The EyeSee blog posted a slideshow of great social media venues for like-minded mommies to meet at online. One of those mentioned was Social Media Mom, and we’re honored to be part of that list. A prime directive of this site is to encourage productivity and overall provide a haven on the web for you.

It’s always neat to see your name in lights - especially when you come across it in a presentation along with so many other great resources.

The biggest mistake most women make at work is to play mommy to their coworkers. Avoid this misstep to advance your career.

Lesson Two: Leave the Mom Hat at Home

You’re NOT Betty Crocker

While you may be an excellent cook, the time to show off your skills is not by cooking lunch for the whole office every week. It’s an extremely kind gesture and will not be overlooked, but it won’t be looked at in any way that will equal a promotion.

If you have some left over cookies, share with one or two coworkers your close with, but don’t make an event out of it. For an event focused around your culinary skills, consider a dinner party where you invite only influential coworkers (such as your boss) and their partners. Utilize this time to show off your talent, charm, and as an opportunity to push your ideas to push the company ahead. Can we say ‘corner office?’

You’re NOT an Interior Decorator

… And even if you are, you do not want your office to look like grandma’s house. While you may be a strong, powerful force in the board room, no one will take you seriously if they step into your office (or other work area) and see frilly decor full of cute little barn animals or a daisy wallpaper.

Instead, decorate your area tastefully, and definitely don’t overdo it. Keep it simple and very neat. Do include your own personal touch. Find individuality by keeping a small indoor plant, having a custom mousepad with your kids’ picture, or a trinket from international travel.

Do NOT Go Out of Your Way to Help Others

More than likely, this totally goes against everything you’ve been taught. Whether you’re new or a department manager, allowing yourself to help your coworkers with everything they ask will only ensure that you’ll be walked all over. It’s fine to show someone how to do their work more efficiently, and it’s even more important to make sure you do your share. Just be wary, or you will end up doing work that is not your own, get distracted from your goals, and be seen as someone that cannot delegate work out to others.

As Lois Frankel has said, “helping others is one way capable women gain exernal validation for their self-worth.” You are a capable woman. Not only were you selected out of a pool of candidates for your position, you have the potential to continue moving upward.

Are you ready for success? Try working on some tips from lesson two. If you have any questions, please use the comment section below. There is more to come in the series, so add Social Media Mom to your RSS reader to keep up to date as the successive articles are published.

Every so often one of my marketing friends will ask me, “How big is your subscriber list.”

I used to answer, “I don’t have any subscribers, but I do have friends and contacts on the sites I’m on.” (Although I recently discovered I actually have quite a few e-mail subscribers…Thanks guys!)

But, when I’d answer this, I’d throw my marketing friends into a tizzy. “You have to have subscribers. How else do you let them know you have something new to share.”

Which of course, I’d answer with, “The same way I always do. I’d share it over the social media sites.”

When we arrive at this point, it’s a perfect time to explain about Reach.

Reach is the number of people I can potentially reach out to on a site (not counting others sharing my info).

One of the great things about Reach is that it can even be explained mathematically. And of course, anything that can be explained mathematically has now grown exponentially in how important it really is.

So, here is my basic equation for Reach:

Reach = Number of your subscribers x site’s retention rate

For example, twitter’s retention rate is about 40% according to the latest Nielson survey (which included twitter app users if you were wondering). Since I have around 800 followers on twitter (rounding it off to make the math easier), that means that my Reach is:

800 x .40 = 320

A few sites don’t just send things you share to your followers.

For those sites, the basic equation is added to the number of non-followers that receive your posts. StumbleUpon is a great example of this.

For StumbleUpon, the equation looks more like:

Reach = (subscribers x .35 (+/- .3)) + (subscribers x retention rate)

I can’t find a record of SU’s retention rate, so just judging by my subscriber list (which SU posts in order of Online Now - Hasn’t Been On In Forever) I’m going to be conservative and say a 50% retention rate although I’d guess it tends to run a little higher. The non-follower half of the equation depends on what category you choose for your post (a more popular search category will raise the number significantly) and possibly how many followers you have. So far it’s drawn only from my experience. I’d love to hear your numbers to help make the equation more accurate.

So, my average Reach on SU looks like:

(600 x .35) + (600 x .5) = (210) + (300) = 510

At which point in the conversation I can easily explain why StumbleUpon is one of my favorite sites, since the numbers have already told part of the story for me.

So, what’s your Reach?

Women in the office are generally stereotyped into a few roles: That of the receptionist, sitting at the front desk with a smile and nail filing board in hand; The intern, who, if hired by a chauvinist boss, will likely be eye candy and likely only used for making copies and coffee; Or a secretary, essentially the  right-hand gal of any executive, who usually ends up doing his work for him and getting zero credit.  These are the roles that feminism has fought hard against, and no matter your position on the movement, are ones almost no woman wants to claim as her life goal.

Ladies, it’s time to step up the game. Let’s advance in our careers to the top of the ladder, not by protest, but by making a usable plan of action. We will be looking at the different steps to take in this series of Five Ways to Get Ahead in the Workplace.

Lesson One: It’s all about defining who you are and what you represent.

It is great to be confident in oneself and comfortable with who you are. In an ideal world, you should not be judge by how you look, but rather by your character. Wake up. The real world is highly influenced by how one presents herself. Physical appearance is especially a key factor in this for women.

Grooming 101

Keep an overall well-groomed look. This means not only the rudimentary bathing procedure, but ensuring you always look ready for the day. Wear makeup each day you go anywhere there’s a chance of bumping into colleagues, superiors, or business contacts. These days are also not a time to try out the latest theatrical eye shadow look or a blue lipstick. Stay neat, close to natural, and fresh. If you’re unsure about which colors to use or how to apply them, check out any cosmetics area at a department store for a free consultation from someone whose own makeup looks perfect.

While self expression is great, some forms of wearable originality are distracting in a work environment. More importantly, it will take away from the professional image you want to create. Stay away from the obvious wild hair colors (if you just love the way electric blue accents your eye color, get a wig for weekend/party wear) and cuts (including faux-hawks, mullets, and the ‘Britney Spears with a razor’ look). Length does matter, and you may want to consider that hair going past the bottom of your shoulder blades will give you a whimsical, unprofessional ‘girl in the fields’ appearance … also, steer clear of too short, we don’t want people addressing you as “sir.” Go ahead, splurge and get your hair done by a good stylist that will customize the perfect look for you.

A well groomed lady is not complete without the requisite manicure and pedicure. Steer clear of acrylic nails and keep your natural nails healthy and polished. Colors come into play here, and you’ll want to stay away from greens, blues, black, and neon. Try a lovely peach, persimmon, or pomegranate if you want color; Stick to the classic french manicure or a clear polish if you want to keep things simple.

A Sense of Style

A good wardrobe doesn’t have to be an extravagant one. Keep some great staples in your closet to wear to work. Try a solid color knee-length skirt, a pair of classic slacks, a career-appropriate blazer, a few blouses, a good pair of pumps with a 3″ heel, and a good supply of nude or suntan colored pantyhose. Consider Banana Republic, J. Crew, or Nordstroms as some places to look for great career wear.

Everything should fit well. If ever, now’s the time to forget about what size you are and get what looks good on you. Clothing should be fitted, not baggy, but avoid any item being skin-tight. Jewelry should be rather simple and not overly extravagant.

To accent your outfit (black, navy blue, and gray are recommended colors for suits), utilize color tastefully. Try a scarf or a shell in colors suited to your industry, as recommended by feng shui expert Gill Hale: Jade, for those working in publishing or media; Red or purple, for ladies in marketing/advertising, public relations, fashion, or law; White or gray, suited for accountants, bankers, and engineers; Yellow for those in architecture or human resources; Blue or dark blue, great for the communication, health, and travel industries.

Those Bad Habits…

Bad habits may be hard to kick, but you’ll really want to work on a few apparent ones if you want to be taken seriously. One thing that I know many women do is put on makeup, brush their hair, and otherwise groom themselves while in public. If you feel the need to reapply lip gloss, excuse yourself and do it in front of the bathroom mirror, same goes for putting on eyeliner behind your desk… and never brush your hair on the commuter train. These are things that need to be completed before leaving home, or done in the privacy of a restroom or even your car.

Let’s just list the little things that you think no one notices, but they do: Sitting with one foot underneath you, biting your nails/cuticles, excessively shaking or tapping your leg/foot, not keeping good eye contact, forgetting overall good etiquette (see Emily Post). All of these, at the very least, subconsciously create an image of a little girl or diffident person in the minds of  associates.

Now we’re on the way to success! Try working on some tips from lesson one. If you have any questions, please use the comment section below. There is more to come in the series, so add Social Media Mom to your RSS reader to keep up to date as the successive articles are published.

all images via flickr creative commons pool